Ten minutes later, Woody strolled into the office, wearing a hemp shirt and carrying a smoothie that looked like pond sludge. "Hey, Barn! What’s shakin’, my man? You look like you just found a hair in your kombucha."
Barnaby cleared his throat. "Woody, have a seat. We have... an opportunity. A big one. The Breaking Bad universe is expanding."
Woody perked up instantly. "Nice! I’ve always wanted to play a DEA agent. Like, a really intense one who eats nothing but Tacos and whispers threats to turtles."
"No," Barnaby said, dread filling his stomach. "They want you for the lead. They want you to play Skyler White."
Woody stared at him. He blinked slowly. "Skyler White. The wife. Walter White’s wife."
"Yes. They... they believe you played her."
There was a long, heavy silence. Woody’s grin slowly faded into a look of deep, philosophical contemplation. "Barn," he said, his voice suddenly dropping an octave. "Am I... am I the actor formerly known as Anna Gunn?"
"No, Woody! You are Woody Harrelson. They are... mistaken. Deeply, profoundly mistaken. But they have offered us eight figures. Eight. And they are insistent that it was you in a wig."
Woody took a sip of his smoothie. "I mean... I do look good in a bob cut. Remember that indie film in the nineties? The one where I played the librarian?"
"That was a dream you had, Woody."
"Right. So, Barn, you’re telling me they want Woody Harrelson, the actual human male, to play Skyler White? Like, in a dress? A wig? The whole nine yards?"
"They didn't specify wardrobe. They just said they want your... essence in the role."
Woody set his smoothie down with a dramatic thunk. A spark ignited in his eyes. "Barnaby, this isn't a mistake. This is a cosmic challenge. I’ve played serial killers, astronauts, bar owners, and people who think they're dogs. But have I ever played an aggrieved, suburban, money-laundering, breakfast-making, chain-smoking, terrifyingly competent accountant? No, I have not. This is the role of a lifetime."
"Woody, you can't be serious. Anna Gunn is Skyler White. You cannot just show up on set and start being Skyler White."
"Watch me," Woody said, already pulling out his phone. "Get me a dialect coach. Get me a wig. Get me... a Pontiac Aztek. I’m going full-method."
For the next week, the offices of Gaffigan & Associates became a surreal nightmare. Woody was not seen. Instead, a man who looked remarkably like Woody, but walked with a permanent sense of grievance and wore a suspiciously realistic blonde wig, would shuffle into Barnaby's office.
"Barnaby," this figure would say, in a voice that sounded like gravel being poured into a blender. "We need to talk about the fiscal irresponsibility of this agency. Where are the assets? I want the books. And get me a cigarette. I’m not currently pregnant on this timeline, so I can have one."
"Woody," Barnaby pleaded, "please take the wig off. The casting director is coming for lunch."
"My name is Skyler, Barnaby. And I do not appreciate being summoned to a lunch. I have a car wash to run and a husband to emotionally distance myself from."
Imagine casting Woody Harrelson as Skyler White... and having him actually try to do it! 🤯 Find out how a massive Hollywood mix-up almost created the weirdest spin-off in history. Link in the comments! 🏃♂️💨
